🦃 The Outlaw Who Hid His Bourbon Under Gobbling Turkeys (And Fooled Every Fed in Sight)

💥 Opening Pour

What do you get when you mix bourbon, a beat-up turkey truck, and a bootlegger with brass balls?

One of the wildest Thanksgiving legends I’ve ever heard. And whether it’s all true or just mostly... well, that’s half the fun.

📖 The Story

Every town has its legends. Some are whispered in bars. Others are scribbled on the back of old bottle labels. But down in Anderson County, Kentucky — when the leaves turn amber and the air smells like wood smoke and gravy — folks start talking about Clyde “Turkey” McGraw.

Now, Clyde wasn’t born a criminal. He was born in a barn. Literally. His mama swore the scent of hay and wild yeast followed him into adulthood. By age 10, he could identify mash just by smell. By 15, he was fermenting apples behind the feed shed. And by 25, he was running the smoothest backwoods bourbon in three counties.

Clyde’s setup was genius in its simplicity. His rickety turkey farm — complete with squawking birds and a rusted-out pickup — served as the perfect front. He aged his bourbon under the floorboards of the turkey pens. “The birds keep the revenuers away,” he’d say, “and the stink keeps the nosy ones from pokin’ too hard.”

But the real trick? That came during Thanksgiving.

Every November, when turkeys were in hot demand and roads buzzed with holiday traffic, Clyde packed his truck like this:

• Up front: Dozens of live turkeys in cages, feathers flying, gobbles echoing like jazz.

• Underneath: Barrels of uncut bourbon — high-proof, hand-labeled, and hotter than grandma’s stuffing.

• On the dash: A pumpkin pie and a thermos of spiked cider, just for charm.

He’d hit the road early. The trick was to look tired, smell like bird droppings, and smile just enough to seem harmless. The Feds, already up to their ears in holiday chaos, couldn’t be bothered with a guy whose truck looked like it might collapse on contact.

One year, a highway patrol officer pulled Clyde over.

“What’s that smell?” the officer asked, wrinkling his nose.

“Freedom,” Clyde said with a wink. “And turkey poop. Want one? They’re fresh.”

The officer declined. Clyde rolled on.

That week alone, he moved enough bourbon to fuel half the county’s Thanksgiving feasts. Every bar in a 30-mile radius suddenly had a “Turkey Toast” special, and Clyde? He toasted himself in a rocking chair, glass in hand, the birds clucking behind him like backup singers.

He was never caught.

Years later, when asked about the trick, Clyde just laughed and said, “You hide a good pour in plain sight — and dress it in feathers.”

No one’s sure where Clyde ended up. Some say he retired rich. Others claim he moved to Mexico with a dancer named Pearl and started a mezcal farm. Either way, come Thanksgiving, we raise a glass to the man, the myth, and the bourbon that rode shotgun with a bunch of birds.

Is every word true? Maybe not.
But it sure pours like it is. 🥃🦃

🥇 The Weekly Pour

Bottle: Wild Turkey Rare Breed 🦃
Price: ~$70
Proof: 116.8
Age: Blend of 6, 8, and 12-year bourbons

Nose: Caramel, orange zest, and toasted pecans
Palate: Bold spice, brown sugar, rich oak
Finish: Long and warm, with cinnamon and clove

✅ Unapologetically strong
✅ Perfect for cold-weather sipping
✅ Full of Thanksgiving spice

🛒 Buy it now → Wild Turkey Rare Breed – $69.99

🍹The Art of Mixing

The Smuggler’s Sour

A punchy twist on the whiskey sour — built for bold evenings.

Ingredients

• 2 oz Wild Turkey Rare Breed

• ¾ oz fresh lemon juice

• ½ oz maple syrup

• 1 egg white (optional but silky)

• Dash of orange bitters

Instructions

1. Shake all ingredients without ice to froth

2. Add ice, shake again

3. Strain into a coupe glass

4. Garnish with a lemon twist or dash of nutmeg

Tip: Want to really impress? Smoke the glass with a sprig of rosemary before you pour. 🍋🔥

🍖 Flavor Pairing Picks

Pair it with:

🍗 Herb-roasted turkey — The proof cuts through the fat, the spice elevates the herbs.
🥧 Pecan pie — Brown sugar meets its boozy soulmate.
💨 Oliva Serie V Melanio cigar — Full-bodied and earthy enough to hang with Rare Breed’s bite.

🧠 Big Lesson of the Week

A good pour tells a story — even if no one can prove it ever happened. The magic’s in the sharing.

🥂 Final Toast

Here’s to the legends, the liars, and the long pours that bring us together.

🥃 Repeatable Proverb

“The best stories come with a little smoke — and a good pour.”

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Now Its Your Turn

Got a bottle you’re pairing with the bird this week? Drop it in the comments. 🦃🥃👇
Share the newsletter. Save it. Star it for next year’s feast. And remember — the best tales are the ones you bring to life.

Cheers to stuffing, sipping, and stories worth telling,

Ethan “Neat” Whitmore

P.S. This Friday, I’m telling the wild true story of the bottle that started a bar fight that ended with three proposals and one missing boot. It’s messy, it’s funny, and yes — there was whiskey. Don’t miss it.