How a Slim Jim and Bad Bourbon Changed My Life (and Fed a Lucky Fish 🐟)

🥃 “It Bites!” — Why Whiskey Isn’t Trying to Be Your Kool-Aid

If whiskey were meant to go down like fruit punch, it’d come with a straw and a twisty umbrella.

But it doesn’t. And that bite? That’s the handshake of the spirit. The slow burn that tells you you’re drinking something with a backbone, not a sippy cup.

Now, someone recently replied to a Facebook post:

And listen—I hear ya. I do. We’ve all had that first shocking sip that hits like a bad decision in a college bar. But that ain’t whiskey’s fault. That’s just bad whiskey. Or worse…bad timing.

Let me tell you a story.

The First Time I Tried Bourbon

I was 17 (don’t tell my mother), and I found a half-empty bottle of Heaven Hill in my uncle’s tackle box. No glass, no ice, just a swig straight from the bottle in the middle of a catfish expedition.

It was like being punched in the throat by a forest fire.
I coughed so hard I dropped a Slim Jim in the river.

So there I was—coughing, hacking, and watching my dignity float downstream beside a meat stick.

But something wild happened after that.

I sat there on that cooler lid, lips numb and pride wounded, and took a second look at that bottle. It was beat up. Faded label. Smelled like campfire and corn syrup. I hated it.

But then my uncle—who’d been watching the whole scene without saying a word—tossed me a metal cup, poured two fingers of the same bourbon, and said:

“Try it this time like it’s earned your respect.”

I sipped slower. Let it sit on my tongue. Breathed through my nose like he showed me.

And for the first time, I tasted something real—not just heat, but hints of maple, charred oak, maybe even a little orange peel from the tackle box (or my imagination). The bite was still there, sure. But this time, it had purpose.

From that moment on, I never judged a whiskey—or a person—on the first encounter. Some just need a second sip.

And that Slim Jim?
Pretty sure the catfish got a taste of bourbon too. Lucky bastard. 😄

🥃 The Weekly Pour: Elijah Craig Small Batch

If you’re looking for a whiskey that doesn’t fight you back, start here.

Why Elijah Craig?

• It's soft on the front.

• Rich in the middle.

• And finishes like a smooth jazz sax solo under Kentucky moonlight.

Tasting Notes:

• Nose: Vanilla, toasted oak, and warm spice

• Palate: Caramel, honey, baking spice

• Finish: Gentle warmth, no bite—just a long, lazy goodbye

You can sip this neat and feel like you’ve arrived somewhere cozy. No burn. No bite. Just bourbon done right.

🛒 Buy Elijah Craig Small Batch Bourbon – $26.99 at Craft Spirit Shop

🧊 The Art of Mixing: “The Glacier Glide”

Here’s the recipe. Ready?

• 2 oz Elijah Craig

• 1 giant ice cube

• Zero regrets

Call it what you want—low-effort elegance, high-class laziness, or just good sense. Sometimes the best “cocktail” is just whiskey and one solid chunk of glacier.

Bonus Tip: If someone asks you “What’s in that?” just nod and say, “Confidence.”

🧀 Flavor Pairing Picks

Want to slow the bite and ride the wave of flavor instead? Try these:

• Sharp cheddar or aged gouda – the fat balances the heat like a referee at a bar brawl

• Grilled peaches with honey drizzle – trust me, sweet + heat = happy mouth

• A Nicaraguan cigar – smooth, earthy, and just enough punch to stand beside the pour

Each bite or puff brings out something new in your whiskey. It's like discovering secret levels in an old video game—except tastier.

The Big Lesson

Whiskey isn’t supposed to taste like grape soda.

It’s not supposed to go down like water.

It’s supposed to make you pause. To stand still for a second and taste something made with patience, wood, grain, fire, and time.

If it “bites,” you’re either:

1. Drinking the wrong stuff,

2. Drinking it wrong,

3. Or rushing a friendship that takes a little time.

So next time it bites, don’t spit it out—listen. That bite is saying, “We’re not strangers. We’re just not friends yet.”

🥃 Repeatable Proverb

“If it bites, don’t blame the whiskey. Blame the rush.”

Save, Sip & Share 🍑

If you felt seen (or slightly called out) by this pour of perspective, do one of three things:

• 💬 Tell me your first whiskey story in the comments

• ⭐️ Star this so you can come back next time someone says “Ew, it burns”

• 📤 Share it with a friend who still chases whiskey with soda like it’s a frat party

Cheers to slow sips and strong spirits,
🧡 Ethan “Neat” Whitmore

P.S. On Friday, we’re blowing the wax cap off a hot topic:
"Celebrity Bottles—Worth the Hype or Just a Pretty Label?"
You’ve seen the endorsements, but what’s really in the bottle? Spoiler: not all that glitters is small-batch gold.